How do we get stronger as we recover from narcissistic abuse? How do we learn to deflect the manipulation and oppression tactics as we’re preparing to leave, have left, or are still sometimes dealing with contact due to underage children?
Ok, let’s look at this in terms of progressive strength training.
Your goal is to achieve a level of strength (wisdom/knowledge about the disorder coupled with self-love and understanding that the abuse wasn’t your fault). A goal that makes you able to move something away from you that is currently immovable; holding you down whenever it appears. You, therefore, have to train up, gaining the power to manipulate that weight away from you, rather than it manipulating you into any kind of submission.
Your progressive training is done by daily procuring more and more knowledge about this disorder, progressively increasing your knowledge. Then taking that knowledge and practicing its uses against the ways the manipulative “weight” is going to try to dominate you.
Specific example: Deltoid Training (major muscle group comprising the shoulders)
We train delts by both pushing (overhead press) and pulling (delt flyes). We prepare those tissues to be strong and capable no matter what direction the workload may be coming from, yes?
It’s the same with oppression/manipulation from an abuser. Abusers both “pull” (manipulation, hoovering, false compliments, etc.), and “push” (sudden accusation, projection, cruel comments, etc.).
Train yourself to recognize the faked, syrupy “pull” attempt (…that they’re attempting to trick you into vulnerability for an upcoming attack so they get their power high), and recognize in this that there’s no sudden change in them, no new love of you (or anyone ever—they are incapable of human devotional bonds), and you thereby become the improved muscle group capable of deflecting the weight rather than the weight manipulating you. Train yourself in recognizing/properly deflecting the manipulation.
And for recognizing the “push” moments when they’re suddenly cruel, train to see that this is the baseless attack where you’ve done nothing to deserve it, but they seek to push all others down so they can feed their power high…you’re just the target of the moment. Recognize this, and you become the improved muscle group capable of deflecting the weight rather than the weight pushing you down. Train yourself in recognizing/properly deflecting the oppression instead of thinking you “did something wrong”.
So, what are you studying on the disorder to increase and practice your strength (wisdom)? C’mon…let’s go train.